s-pwyll

I stare at my therapist my eyes feel like they have gone black like black ink is pouring into my irises as though death is standing in front of me she is talking about insurance I say mhm I nod I tell her that I was suicidal yesterday and this morning I tell her about the dark images that intrude into my mind images of cutting my skin open images of tying a rope around my neck images of jumping off a bridge she briefly acknowledges she asks me to use external labels she asks me to name suicide I laugh suicide is too serious to name but she insists it's a "joke" that it is "just passing the pain on to others" I nod I say m